JAY-Z: Noel Gallagher of Oasis said that he did not think the rapper was a good fit for the Glastonbury festival, so Jay-Z opened his set there with an off-key, kareoke take on "Wonderwall," followed by "99 Problems."  Noel ain't one of them.  That's a twofer Tuesday, with extra profanity.

NEW RELEASES: Alkaline Trio gets added to the albums streaming in full via Spinner, but Earlimart is this week's pick to click. There are also plenty of reissues, from Van Morrison to the White Stripes to Willie Nelson.

DANCE MUSIC: The Telegraph's music critics pick their top 50 tunes to get you onto the dancefloor, with plenty of Tube linkage.

MORNING BECOMES ECLECTIC:  I haven mentioned the venerable radio show recently, but June featured performances from artists including Billy Bragg, Los Campesinos, Martha Wainwright, Death Cab for Cutie and neo-soul outfit Little Jackie, to name a few.

LIVE ALBUMS are dead, man. The Independent misses them, misses them.

DAVID BOWIE talks up the 12 tracks he compiled for a Daily Mail giveaway.

NO AGE debuted their lo-fi, noisy, trippy, kinda folky "Eraser" on the MTV.

THE HOLD STEADY frontman Craig Finn does a two-part interview with Aquarium Drunkard.  Finn mentions some of the cameos, including Dinosaur Jr.'s J Mascis... on banjo!

BEST OF 2008 SO FAR: Greg Kot and Jim DeRogatis unveil their lists in the latest edition of Sound Opinions.

DOWN ON THE FARM: The Guardian interviewed Glastonbury festival performers about the country life.

THE NATIONAL answer five questions for Metro.

STEVEN TYLER comes clean about getting clean.

BRIGHT YOUNG HOLLYWOOD is the subject of a story and photo portfolio at Vanity Fair.

BLONDE ON BLONDE: Pamela Anderson called Jessica Simpson a "b^tch" and a "wh*re" after learning about Simpson's "Real Girls Eat Meat" t-shirt.  It appears Anderson was cracking wise, though if she thought the shirt referred to men, I don't see how it's a joke.

AMY WINEHOUSE, otoh, called Kanye West a "c^nt" during her set at the Glastonbury Festival and does not seem to have been joking. West, surprisingly for him, is amused.

JEN & JOHN: Aniston & Mayer were... wait for it... caught canoodling on camera after his performance at the Brixton Academy over the weekend. Pics at the link.

NAKED WOMEN'S WRESTLING LEAGUE BESTS CARMEN ELECTRA: Don't click; it's sure to disappoint.

THE DARK KNIGHT gets more early rave reviews at Rope of Silicon and IGN.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE: Bond is back in November; the trailer is at Moviefone now.

AFGHANISTAN: More US and NATO troops have been killed in Afghanistan than in Iraq for the second straight month.

PAKISTAN: An in-depth piece in the New York Times details how the US is returning to a bureaucratic, pre-9/11 mindset regarding terrorirm, with the result that Al Qaeda now has a new band of terrorist camps from which to plan and train for attacks against Western targets, including the United States.

IRAQ: Former insurgents continue to turn themselves in by the hundreds - including some who had been the most virulently anti-American leaders.  Iraq will spend 100 million dollars to rebuild Sadr City and create jobs for many of its two million residents after years of violence and neglect. The US military has transfered 1000 od 8000 Humvees to Iraqi security forces. Iraqi guards opened fire on a female suicide bomber on Sunday and triggered her explosives belt before she reached their headquarters, foiling the latest of more than 20 suicide missions by women this year.

THE GREAT STINGRAY MIGRATION... and one clownfish looking for his son. More pics at the link.

A GIRAFFE led a circus breakout involving 15 camels, two zebras and an undetermined number of llamas and potbellied pigs.

HUNDREDS of SCORPIONS and SNAKES, plus turtles, lizards, tarantulas, frogs, and salamanders were stranded at the Mexico City airport for more than a week.  They should have joined one of those VIP clubs.

A DROWNING 375-LB BEAR was rescued... from the Gulf of Mexico? Pics and video at the link.

PRIMAL SCREAM pays more than a bit of homage to Daria Argento's classic Suspiria in the clip for "Can't Go Back."

DAN WILSON (Trip Shakespeare, Semisconic) tells LAist he does not get musicians who have love-hate relationships with their hits.

AVIETTE brought their noise-pop to The Current for a chat and mini-set you can stream on demand via MPR.

THE TING TINGS' Katie White talks to the Guardian about the glamour of pop stardom, in which getting one's clothes washed is more stressful than playing a gig.

DOVEMAN has covered the entire Footloose soundtrack for your downloading (guilty) pleasure.

VAMPIRE WEEKEND goes a little Wes Anderson in the new video for "Oxford Comma."

DAVENDRA BANHART & GILBERTO GIL are jointly interviewed by the L.A. Times (no pun intended).

THE WILDERS, a nifty blugrass combo Sylvia and I saw open for Del McCoury a while ago, snagged a segment on NPR's Weekend Edition.

NEIL YOUNG talks to Billboard about the forthcoming documentary "CSNY: Deja Vu" and alt-fuels.

BLACK ANGELS singer Alex Maas talks to the Boston Globe about the band's influences.

MADONNA & GUY RITCHIE: Madge has reportedly told Ritchie she wants a divorce, and has been seen out without her wedding ring.  Without a pre-nuptial agreement, Guy could be looking at up to £50million of Madge's £300million fortune.  Ritchie ditching Kabbalah may be a factor or result, but he reproted ly flew  to New York this past weekend in a last-ditch bid to save the marriage.

SUPERMODEL SUICIDE: Ruslana Korshunova, 20, whose face graced the cover of French Elle and Russian Vogue, fell from her swank downtown NYC apartment to her death yesterday in an apparent suicide, officials said.

AMY WINEHOUSE punched a fan, spat chewing gum into the crowd and called Kanye West a c*** on the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury. Video at the link.

SIENNA MILLER has been enjoying secret romantic nights with tycoon actor and dad-of-four Balthazar Getty after dumping heartbroken Notting Hill star Rhys Ifans, according to the uber-reliable News of the World.

ANNE HATHAWAY talked to the FBI shortly before they arrested her ex boyfriend Raffaello Follieri for an alleged $6 million con job?  That's what a friend of his thinks, based on the language of the indictment.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: WALL-E takes the top slot with an estimated 62.5 million. That beats most expectations and ties Monsters, Inc. for third best Pixar opening.  Wanted also beat tracking numbers with 51.1 million -- the best rated R-rated June opener ever and huge for Jolie, edging out the PG-13 Mr. & Mrs. Smith.  It also appears to be the first weekend with two 50+ million openers ever. Get Smart dropped about 48 percent to make 20 mil in the third slot, which probably isn't too bad, considering the competition.  Kung Fu Panda took its licks from WALL-E, dropping 46 percent to the fourth slot with 11.7 mill.  The Incredible Hulk continued to downsize, dropping another 58 percent to round out the Top Five.  Flops like the Love Guru and The Happening flopped even bigger, dropping over 60 percent each to sixth and eighth, respectively.

WALL-E & WANTED: I saw and enjoyed both of them  WALL-E might have had a little too much rote dystopianism than one might expect from a family film, but the animation was spectacular and the characterizations well-done, despite the near total absence of dialog for the first half of the movie.  That lack of dialog should bnoost the flick globally, btw.  Wanted plays as extensively with time -- or moreso -- than the Matrix movies, without the deep pholosophy.  There were some exceedingly clever bits (taken from the graphic novel) and some illogic in some of the action scenes (not), but overall a satisfying summer thrill attraction.

LINDSAY LOHAN may have a secret half-sister, according to her ex-con Dad.

ROB LOWE: A former nanny who is accusing the actor of sexual harassment allegedly offered sex to the family's tennis instructor, according to court documents released Friday.

MAD MEN:  There's some love for the women of Mad Men at AfterEllen.  NTTAWWT, though there's big spoiler if you missed the first season and are waiting for the DVDs this week.

STAR TREK: Harry Knowles incredibly got a look at some early footage from next summer's JJ Abrams reboot.  Light spoilers; nothing that hasn't already leaked, plotwise (afaik).

BRITNEY SPEARS could make a return appearance at the MTV Video Music Awards.  After all, last year's train wreck piled up ratings.  Mel Gibson reportedly tried to set the pop wreck up with one of his twin sons, who both have stints in rehab.

ALT-ENERGY: The US government is putting a hold on new solar energy projects on public land for two years so it can study the environmental impact of sun-driven plants. The Bureau of Land Management, which looks after 258 million acres of federal land, much of it flat, sun-baked terrain in the western US considered ideal for solar energy development, says the study is required by law and backed by environmental groups.

ISLAMISM in the UK:  The Jamestown Foundation looks at the next generation of radical Islamist preachers in the UK. Terrorists linked to Al-Qaeda may be planning to buy former NHS ambulances and police cars to mount suicide bomb attacks in Britain, MI5 has warned.

IRAN has moved ballistic missiles into launch positions, with Israel's Dimona nuclear plant among the possible targets, defense sources said last week. The movement of Shahab-3B missiles, followed a large-scale exercise earlier this month in which the Israeli air force flew en masse over the Mediterranean in an apparent rehearsal for a threatened attack on Iran's nuclear installations.

IRAQ: The Mahdi Army is evolving into a clandestine movement following Iraqi military operations targeting the group, intelligence suggests.  The restive peace in Baghdad remains fragile. Iraqi security forces detained the leader of the Basra Sadrist office in Amarah and 12 "terrorists" in Basra. Iraq forces detained 43 insurgents in Baghdad and ten in Kirkuk. Five al Qaeda operatives were detained in Mosul and two leaders in Diyala.

ZARA, a 6-week-old lion cub from Linton is destined to spend her future in Africa, after she was abandoned by her parents. Video and pics at the link.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: A cat without a face.  Call your agent, Billy Idol.

PIGEONS are smuggling drugs and other contraband into a Brazilian prison.

A PIG that survived 36 days in the rubble of the Chinese earthquake has been adopted by a museum.

MUSKRATS are getting no love on the flood plains of Mississippi.

THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

...with THE ENGLISH BEAT!  Why? Mostly because they cranked out great ska-pop.  My personal fave may still be "Best Friend," but you might prefer more signature songs like "Mirror in the Bathroom,"  "Save It For Later."  "I Confess" or "Doors of Your Heart." Or their adaptations of covers like Smokey's "Tears Of A Clown" and the Andy Williams number "Can't Get Used To Losing You."

SHEARWATER stopped by The Current for a chat and mini-set you can stream on demand via MPR.

SILVER JEWS: David Berman talks to Paste and says something very politically incorrect about the shelf life of rock musicians.

LOS LOBOS features songs from their 2006 concept album, The Town and the City, in a concert from Disney Hall now streaming via NPR.

PRIMAL SCREAM: Bobby Gillespie does not talk to the Times of London about lyrics, but does talk about chemistry and such.

PEARL JAM & ACE FREHLEY:  Ooh... "Black Diamond."

CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN: Victor Krummenacher and Jonathan Segel answer five questions for the San Francisco Chronicle.

GLASTONBURY 2008:  You can download a free sampler of artists playing the big British fest via the Guardian.

PHISH officially addresses those reunion rumors.

CUTOUT BIN: Carl Douglas leads this Friday's fortuitous finds, which include Sly & the Family Stone, John Lennon, Glen Campbell, the Yardbirds, Cheap Trick, the Posies, Thin Lizzy and more -- all of which can be jukeboxed or streamed separately via the Pate page at the ol' HM.

NOW SHOWING:  This weekends wide releases are Pixar's WALL-E, currnetly scoring a stunning 97 percent on the ol' Tomatometer, and the Jolie-led action flick Wanted, which is scoring a still-impressive 73 percent.  Projections have Wall-E at 52-57 million (between Cars & Ratatouille), Wanted at 36-41 million (possibly all-time best R-rated June opening).

GYLLENSPOON: Us Weekly reports in its latest issue that Gyllenhaal has quietly moved into Witherspoon's 5 million L.A. home and is already part of her fiercely guarded family.

MADONNA & GUY RITCHIE: Fiona Shackleton, the divorce lawyer who ensured that Sir Paul McCartney retained all but £24.3 million of his £825 million fortune, has been lined up by Madge, according to the Times of London.

BILL MURRAY and his wife Jennifer have quietly - and officially - divorced, sans the drama we heard about a month ago.

CAMERON DIAZ has fueled engagement rumors by sporting a huge ring on her wedding finger.

THE DARK KNIGHT: Christian Bale says he misses co-star Heath Ledger deeply, and that he hopes their movie - the very last one Ledger completed - will be a celebration of his friend's life and work.  Early reviews have popped up at Aint-It-Cool and Rolling Stone.

THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD may strike next week, throwing major film and television studios into chaos.

NANOPAPER: Made of wood, stronger than iron.

IRAQ: An Iraqi intelligence report said over 2000 Mahdi Army fighters were killed during fighting over the past several months. The US military named al Qaeda's leader in Mosul who was killed during a raid on June 24.  Bombs killed at least 40 people in Iraq on Thursday, including 20 at a tribal council meeting in Anbar province just days before the US military transfers control of security for the vast western region to Iraqi forces.  PR. "Sons of Iraq" patrols are set up in Sadr City. Anti-US Arab Sunni combatants in Salaheddin have been given 10 days to surrender to coalition forces as Iraq extended its crackdown on militias around the country. Just as we have seen the use of a military surge in Iraq, we need also to see a job surge and a democracy surge, according to a new report by an international think-tank.

YOUR FORECAST FOR PADUCAH, KY: Overcast, with chicken.

DOLPHINS vacationing at the New Jersey shore are doing what many tourists do -- splashing around in the waves with the kids and feasting on seafood.

A COW that escaped from its farm two weeks ago has been making the rounds on the north side of Fredericton in Canada.

ROBOT SNAKES made of aluminium are being designed to inspect and clean complicated industrial pipe systems that are typically narrow and inaccessible to humans.

IT'S A MADHOUSE: Spain's parliament voiced its support for the rights of great apes to life and freedom. Keeping apes for circuses, television commercials or filming will be forbidden. Keeping an estimated 315 apes in Spanish zoos will not be illegal, but supporters of the bill say conditions will need to improve drastically.  Spanish bulls think this is bull.  BTW, don't expect the apes to return the favor.

POP LEVI has two videos for "Semi-Babe" (Part 1, Part 2) designed to be played simultaneously.

SONGS FOR THE LEFT LANE: More uptempo driving songs are streaming courtesy of KEXP.

KELLEY STOLTZ: An indie-pop classicist talks to Glide about his influences.

THE BROKEN WEST has a new single, "Perfect Games," that you can -- and should -- stream at So Much Silence (via Chromewaves.)

OKKERVIL RIVER: Will Sheff tells the Calgary Herald he is reluctant to call The Stage Names and the upcoming companion LP, The Stand Ins, concept albums: "You can be talking about something like (Neil Young's) Tonight's the Night or that Styx album about robots taking over the world..." Domo arigato, Mr. Sheff.

BECK has released a teaser video for his upcoming Modern Guilt album.

DAVID VANDERVELDE: Muzzle of Bees reports that Jay Bennett injects a kind of Being There/Summerteeth vibe into Vandervelde's upcoming Waiting For The Sunrise LP, and posts the mellow "I Will Be Fine" for a listen.

BEST OF 2008 SO FAR lists are popping up all 'round, including NPR (which is also hosting a poll with 50 choices plus write-ins), The A.V. Club, and Music For Kids Who Can't Read Good.

DANIEL JOHNSTON: The critically-acclaimed, bipolar singer-songwriter tells JamBase that he likes to tour -- for the comic book and record shopping opportunities.

BARACK OBAMA shuffles his iPod for "Random Rules" feature at the A.V. Club. No, wait, I mean Rolling Stone.

BRADGELINA have donated a million dollars for educational aid to children affeccted by the Iraq war.  Half is going to Iraqi kids, while half is going to American kids who have a military parent killed in Iraq, or who are separated from a parent stationed in the country.

JENNIFER GARNER & BEN AFFLECK thinking of splitting up?  Garner's rep calls the report "100% completely fabricated."

DENISE RICHARDS & CHARLIE SHEEN have their children, Sam, 4, and Lola, 3, in therapy. Sad, but maybe needed.

ANNE HATHAWAY's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri was hospitalized for a severe sinus infection following his New York court appearance on fraud and money laundering charges.

VERNE TROYER, a/k/a "Mini-Me" in the Austin Powers movies, has a sex tape.  No thanks.

SUPERMODEL KAROLINA KURKOVA has been attacked by the Brazilian media for appearing too fat on the runway. On the one hand, the harsh criticism of Karolina's heavier appearance seems extremely cruel; on the other hand, she's a highly compensated model whose job is to look great all the time, as in this Decmber 2007 photoshoot.

LINDSAY LOHAN is reportedly much more professional on-set, because girlfriend Samantha Ronson "has a calming effect on her."

JAMIE LYNN SPEARS tells OK! magazine that she plans to lead a much more low-key life with her new baby daughter.

JEN & JOHN: Aniston seems to be making time to hook up with Mayer while he's touring Europe.

ISLAMISM in the UK: A 12-year-old white schoolboy is among 120 people being dealt with by police in a new project combating Islamic-inspired violent extremism, according to the Daily Mail. The child was reported by his school in West Yorkshire after he was found circulating video clips of terrorists beheading Westerners.

IRAQ: Iraqi and Coalition forces discovered two large weapons caches in northeastern Baghdad, including seven EFPs. As many as 1000 memberss of Sahwa (awakening) forces have gained access to the Police in Baghdad.

COP HITS DINOSAUR in Lake Delton, Wisc. Let's go to the video!

SCAREDY CAT survived 18 hours clinging to high voltage power lines in a Wiltshire village.

PANDAS at the earthquake-devastated Wolong research centre in Sichuan province have been evacuated to other parts of the country, just days after being taken off bamboo shoots and put on a strange diet of fruit. Damage to the bamboo forest in earthquake sites such as Dujiangyan and Mianyang has led to a sharp reduction in the amount of shoots on offer for the pandas, which now must make do with fruit and seeds.

A MELON-HEADED WHALE is receiving treatment after being rescued off the coast of Brevard County, FL, on Tuesday.  I believe it was looking for lover that won't drive it crazy.

ALLIGATOR bites off the arm of a late-night swimmer in Okeechobee, FL.

THE NEW CLASSICS, as compiled by Entertainment Weekly, includes the 100 best albums from 1983-2008 (and criminally excludes Husker Du), 25 New Classic One-Hit Wonders, including Deee-Lite's ''Groove Is In the Heart,'' Urban Dance Squad's "Deeper Shade of Soul" and more.  Don't miss the Top 10 from Beck.

BECK, as it turns out, is streaming three new songs via iLike, along with directions for how to get an advance stream of his upcoming Modern Guilt album. I detect some psychedelia on at least two of the three tracks at iLike.

GUNS 'N' ROSES: Antiquiet -- which posted nine leaked tracks from the long-delayed Chiese Democracy album -- got a call from the Gn'R camp... and the FBI.

FLEET FOXES, in all their modesty, are profiled by the Times of London.  You can stream a few via FleetSpace.

LIZ PHAIR has some pretty dumb fans in San Francisco. Freebird!

THE TING TINGS perform a five-song mini-set for AOL Sessions.

THE REPLACEMENTS: Aquarium Drunkard has the Sh^t, Shower & Shave bootleg from Summer 1989 posted to stream or download.  Included are covers of Big Star's "September Gurls" and two takes on The Only Ones' "Another Girl, Another Planet."

ROBERT POLLARD: AD is also streaming two songs from his current solo LP, Off to Business. "Gratification to Concrete" is a pick to click.

RON SEXSMITH tells Jam! that creating his new Exit Strategy Of the Soul record tested his patience.

JASON ISBELL: The ex-Drive-By Trucker talks to Richmond.com about his new band, the 400 Unit.

HEATHER LOCKLEAR is seeking treatment for psychological issues of anxiety and depression at an Arizona facility.

BRITNEY SPEARS has been awarded overnight visitation with her sons, Jayden and James, in her ongoing custody dispute wiith Fed-Ex.

MICHELLE WILLIAMS is reportedly furious with Heath Ledger's family and threatening to boycott the premiere of The Dark Knight, a source told Page Six: "(Their daughter) Matilda is supposed to be the beneficiary of the will, but Michelle has seen nothing from them. Heath didn't have much in cash, but there was a big house in LA and a back-end deal for 'Dark Knight' (that) could reap millions."  Her rep denies any anger, but called the "presumption" that Michelle ever intended to attend The Dark Knight premiere "unfounded."

WILL SMITH kisses Dave Letterman and claims Russia is where God made the first white ladies ever.  He does not mention that he's sending his kids to a Scientology school, but the crazy is a tipoff, isn't it? Video at the link.

MADONNA & GUY RITCHIE are again reported to be discussing a split as their seven-year marriage hits rock bottom.  The London Mirror reports that the couple will formally announce the split when Madge's world tour ends on November 29.

ANNE HATHAWAY ditched her longtime bf Raffaello Follieri  just in time -- he has been arrested on federal wire fraud, conspiracy and money laundering charges for claiming to be associated with the Pope.  Agent 99 has a cameo in the federal complaint.

TERROR in the US: A Muslim convert and former prison inmate was sentenced to 22 years in federal prison for conspiring to wage war on the US - including plotting terrorist attacks on local military sites and Jewish centers and synagogues - in a plan one prosecutor said was intended to "kill as many people as possible."

IRAN:  America's intelligence analysts are now poring over "nightmare scenarios"  as Israel signals its preparedness to deal with Iran's race for the A-bomb. International Atomic Energy Agency chief Mohamed ElBaradei said in an Arabic-language  TV interview that Iran would need only six months to a year to produce a nuclear weapon if it broke off talks and expelled IAEA inspectors. Iran said Tuesday that it would not be hurt by new European Union sanctions, with President Ahmadinejad defiantly calling for a special international court to be formed to punish what he called "tyrants" for their attempts to thwart Iran's nuclear program. He's always so reassuring.

GEN. DAVID PETRAEUS, the top US general in Iraq, has moved to cement his reputation as a thinking soldier by issuing a 23-point list of lessons learned from salvaging America's 'lost war.'

IRAQ: Coalition forces killed al Qaeda's leader of Mosul. Four Mahdi Army fighters were detained in Baghdad; 44 were captured in Hillah; two were captured in Al Kut; and 15 were arrested in Basra. Prime Minister al-Maliki on Monday announced during his visit in Missan the formation of 17 tribal councils in the province to support security forces and the governmental institutions.

GUAI GUAI the DACHSHUND has become a local celebrity in China for his skills in pushing a wheelchair.

BOBBY the CHIMP is being paid £70 a month in Radkow, Poland as a tourism promotions inspector.

A GERMAN WOMAN  in Mülheim in the state of North Rhine-Westphalia has been rooming with her three-legged pet llama for the last two years, city officials said Friday.

LEAPIN' LIZARDS!  Check before you eat that banana.

A DOG DISPUTE escalates into a crossbow attack in Lincoln, Nebraska. Police say alcohol may have been a factor in the incident.