THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

...with THE END TIMES! Saturday may be Judgment Day and I don't want to leave anyone unprepared. Thus, it starts with an earthquake, birds, snakes and R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)." U2 can keep you rocking (yet Biblical) "Until the End of the World." And (to paraphrase the National Lampoon) who can forget Barry McGuire's immortal "Eve of Destruction," especially as introduced by Jerry Lewis?  Mad Men fans will remember Skeeter Davis singing "The End of the World," beating P.J. Sloan and McGuire by a couple of years.  Also in a country vein is Johnny Cash's "When The Man Comes Around" (I picked the Dawn of the Dead credits for this one because it also ties in nicely to the new CDC guidance on the Zombie Apocalypse). Prince is more upbeat about the idea on "1999," and I really should include Blondie's "Rapture," if only for the name.  However, the selections that would be most in Pate's repertoire would be The Clash's "London Calling" (tho "Four Horsemen" also appears on the double-LP) and Elvis Costello's "Waiting For the End of the World."

BLACK JOE LEWIS and the HONEYBEARS stopped by The Current for a chat and mini-set.

CAROLINA CHOCOLATE DROPS did the four free songs thing for Daytrotter.

MIDDLE BROTHER did the four free songs thing twice over for Daytrotter -- once in Nashville and again at SXSW.

NOAH and the WHALE stopped by WFUV for a chat and mini-set.

NEW ORDER drops the previously unreleased "Hellbent" in advance of a joint Joy Division-New order box set.

BLONDIE drops "Mother" as an advance video to the band's 9th LP.

BON IVER's Top 10 Covers, according to Stereogum.

PAVEMENT, Live in Boston, September 18th, 2010.

NEKO CASE talks to the Charleston City Paper about, nature, poverty, Tina Fey and more... (Thx, LHB.) Put me in a mind to hear "Deep Red Bells."

PAUL SIMON and a moment of pure sobbing joy.

THE EARLES: Steve talks to the Riverfront Times about his novel, while son Justin Townes Earle talks to The Tennesseean about staying connected with his roots while living in NYC. (Thx, Chromewaves.)

A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP with music journalism -- inspired by this NPR piece.

THE SHAGGS: PHILOSOPHY OF THE WORLD is being made into a play. Yes, really.

CUTOUT BIN: From Issac Hayes to the Jam, from Jimi Hendrix to Elton John, from Sam & Dave to the Replacements, plus the Troggs, Robert Pollard, Flamin' Groovies, Susannah Hoffs & Matthew Sweet and more -- this Friday's fortuitous finds are now streaming from the Pate page at the ol' HM.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES is this weekend's sole wide release, rolling out on 4000 screens and scoring only 35 percent on the ol' Tomatometer, which likely won't matter a bit.

ARNOLD & MARIA: Shriver has hired one of the toughest divorce lawyers around, but she hasn't pulled the trigger on ending her marriage.  Meanwhile, it emerges that Schwarzenegger did not voluntarily tell his wife that he fathered a love child with the housekeeper -- instead he confessed only after Maria Shriver confronted the woman, who admitted it. Moreover, Schwarzenegger singlehandedly financed a super-expensive coming-of-age birthday party for his baby mama's niece in 2001 ... and all of Arnold's kids were there - including his love child. And a former child actress now says she also had a extramarital fling with Schwarzenegger. Has Shriver picked up the phone yet?

JENNIFER ANISTON will receive the Decade of Hotness award at SpikeTV's fifth annual "Guys Choice" celebration next month. Aw.

GWYNETH PALTROW recommends buying 18K in spring clothes. She has a keen understanding of the public mood.

LARS VON TRIER was expelled from the Cannes Film Festival on Thursday, a day after joking at a news conference that he was a Nazi and expressing sympathy for Hitler.

ALEXANDER SKARSGARD is profiled for a cover story at GQ.

RASHIDA JONES gets a blurb and slideshow at GQ. The lede: "In this summer's comedy Our Idiot Brother, there is a hot lesbian make-out scene between Rashida Jones and Zooey Deschanel. This is very likely to be the only fact you will remember from this article."

KUWAIT: A fistfight broke out in parliament after Salafists attacked a Shia lawmaker who called Kuwaitis detained at Guantanamo Bay terrorists.

OUR FRIENDS, THE SAUDIS and the US are quietly expanding defense ties on a vast scale, led by a little-known project to develop an elite force to protect the kingdom's oil riches and future nuclear sites.

PAKISTAN: Mid-ranking Al-Qaeda operative Mohammed Ali Qasim, alias Abu Sohaib al-Makki, who was recently arrested in Pakistan, had been living in the country for almost 10 years and was involved in recent terrorist activities in Karachi.

AFGHANISTAN: The Afghan government has struck a peace deal with a Taliban commander who ordered the flogging and shooting of a pregnant widow accused of adultery.

A BEAGLE learns how to catch.

PINK KITTEH: Its hue is believed to be caused my a mishap at a concrete factory.

FERAL CAMELS in the Australian desert are attacking air conditioning units, toilet systems and more in a desperate search for water.

A WALLABY turned up in a Dorset garden. Video at the link.

PETS will be rescued by atheists on Judgment Day... for a price.

SUPERCHUNK has a catty new video for "Crossed Wires."

JOSEPH ARTHUR is advance streaming The Graduation Ceremony. 

RA RA RIOT does a mini-set in audio and video for Laundro-Matinee.

JAMES BLAKE stopped by The Current for a chat and mini-set.

GRANT LEE BUFFALO, Live at Shepherds Bush Empire, London, October 11th 1994.

BLACK LIPS share a "New Direction," produced by Mark Ronson.

THE LEFT BANKE: "Walk Away Renee."

REMEMBERING JOEY RAMONE, who would have turned 60 today, at the Village Voice.

OKKERVIL RIVER: Will Scheff shares his relief over the reception given the band's new LP. (Thx, Chromewaves.)

VAN DYKE PARKS talks to DIY about about projects old and new, and tantalizes us with details of the long-awaited official release of the original ‘Smile'. (Thx, LHB.)

YO LA TENGO: Ira Kaplan talks to the Wall Street Journal about the Wheel of Fortune tour.

ARNOLD/MARIA SPLIT: The mother of Schwarzenegger's love child threatened to go public with sordid details of their illicit affair - all because the Governator terminated her employment.  The child was born just days after Shriver gave birth to their fourth child.  Shriver disses Arnold on her upcoming Oprah appearance.

BRAD PITT reflects on parenthood, both real and cinematic.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE (Winter's Bone, X-Men: First Class) is profiled by Elle... and appears as The Hunger Games' Katniss Everdeen on the cover of the new Entertainment Weekly.

LARS VON TRIER: The Danish director giving a shocking press conference in Cannes for his new film Melancholia in which he admitted to being a Nazi, to understanding Hitler and speculated that his next movie could be The Final Solution. Melancholia stars Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg were mortified, especially when he suggested making a pron film with them.  Von Trier later apologized, but the post-premiere party for the film was cancelled.

RACHEL McADAMS and MICHAEL SHEEN finally confirm they are dating.

LADY GAGA tops the Forbes Celebrity 100 list of the most powerful people in the entertainment business this year.

JEFF CONAWAY, who gained fame from his roles in the film "Grease" and the TV series "Taxi" before succumbing to substance abuse that landed him on reality shows dealing with rehabilitation ("Celebrity Rehab" and "Celebrity Fit Club"), is in critical condition following an apparent overdose.

ZSA ZSA GABOR slipped into a coma after being rushed to an L.A. hospital yesterday for emergency stomach surgery.

AL QAEDA's interim emir is reportedly Saif al Adel, a longtime member of al Qaeda and the Egyptian Islamic Jihad. Al Adel has a decades-long relationship with Iran and was protected by the Iranians after 9/11.

YEMEN: The US has urged President Saleh to sign the agreement with the opposition and step down.

SYRIA: Pres. Obama imposed tough sanctions against Assad and six other senior Syrian officials in an effort to stop the regime's fierce crackdown on protests. The sanctions also target two top Iranian officials whose unit was a "conduit for Iranian material support" to Syrian intelligence.

IRAN:  The UN nuclear agency is investigating reports from its experts that their cellphones and laptops may have been hacked into by Iranian officials looking for confidential information while the equipment was left unattended during inspection tours in the Islamic Republic.

IRAQ: Security forces detained al Qaeda's military leader, top judge, and two other commanders in Salahadin, and captured al Qaeda's governor in Kirkuk.

BABY OTTER vs STUFFED WALRUS: Who you got?

THE RED-CRESTED TREE RAT returns, 113 years after the last known sighting.

PONY EXPRESS? Not so fast.

WHEN A TURKEY ATTACKS: "Feathers, poo and papers ... it's a mess."

SMITH WESTERNS take on Tom Petty's "American Girl" for The A.V. Club Undercover. And it did not go over well with some.

THE HEAD and the HEART are profiled by Rolling Stone, which also streams their album.

FUTURE ISLANDS play a Tiny Desk Concert at the NPR offices.

UNCLE TUPELO: Live and Otherwise (Demo Tape).

THE VELVET UNDERGROUND: 15 Minutes (A rare UK tribute LP, ft. Nirvana, Echo & the Bunnymen, Eleventh Dream Day, Buffalo Tom and more).

DAVID BAZAN drops "Wolves at the Door" as a free track from Strange Negotiations.

MANFRED MANN'S EARTH BAND, "Blinded by the Light," Live in '75.

PEARL JAM are spending 2011 celebrating their 20th anniversary by headlining their own festival in Wisconsin, touring, releasing a documentary by director Cameron Crowe with an accompanying soundtrack album, and publishing a book.

THE ANTLERS: Peter Silberman takes Drowned In Sound track-by-track through Burst Apart.

BLAKE SENNETT discusses The Elected, Rilo Kiley (RIP), Phillip Roth, the iPad, Chicago venues, and more with Consequence of Sound.

BRIAN WILSON, who said last week that he was planning to retire from performing live in 2012, told BBC 6Music he is thinking about playing with the Beach Boys again for the first time in almost 20 years.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER had numerous, late night rendezvous with various women at his Santa Monica office building ... and some of the women were mysteriously carrying legal-sized manila envelopes ... sources who were present tell TMZ. UPDATE: They also have pics of the mother and son.)  The WaPo asks, "How did he keep the 'love child' secret so long?"

CHARLIE SHEEN - who scored the biggest paycheck in TV before getting the boot - had to borrow ten million bucks from Warner Bros. during his last season on "Two and a Half Men."

LEO DiCAPRIO... and Blake Lively?

MARIAH CAREY brings her kids home from the hospital, but will get a home visit from DCFS.

KELSEY GRAMMER filed legal papers to get sole physical custody of the two children he had with his ex-wife Camille. She's telling friends the kids have already made it clear they want to live with her.

MEL GIBSON: Topless in Cannes. The horror... But you know in France they love The Beaver.

MICHELLE WILLIAMS is set to play Glinda in Disney's fantasy prequel pic Oz, the Great and Powerful.

KILLING BIN LADEN: Those who planned the secret mission to get Osama bin Laden in Pakistan knew it was a one-shot deal, and it nearly went terribly wrong.

EGYPT: According to an Egyptian daily, fmr pres Mubarak will explain that some of his mistakes were due to 'faulty information'; he will also reportedly tell the people that he is willing to give up assets pending investigations.

PAKISTAN: NATO helicopters crossed from Afghanistan into Pakistan and fired on a Pakistani border post early Tuesday, injuring two paramilitary soldiers, according to the Pakistani army. Pakistani security forces arrested a senior al-Qaida operative in Karachi on Tuesday, signalling the first major move against Osama bin Laden's network inside Pakistan since his death.

A RABBIT humps a dog...Mass hysteria!

A 500-LB RUNAWAY PIG was shot by Washington State Patrol trooper after his stun gun failed to slow the raging swine.

A TEACUP CHIHUAHUA, however, really should not have been shot.

SPIDER-SMUGGLING: Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

NO AGE's latest video is for "Common Heat," courtesy of the Weirdettes.

NEW RELEASES from Iggy Pop, Glasvegas, Rome, Chad Van Gaalen, Let's Wrestle, The Elected and more, plus Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds reissues are streaming this week via Spinner.

ALL SONGS CONSIDERED: "Calgary," a new track from Bon Iver, plus tracks from Yellowbirds and YACHT highlight the latest edition of the long-running series. Also you can download the Bon Iver song for an e-mail adresss.

k.d. lang recorded a session for Morning Becomes Eclectic.

THE BASEBALL PROJECT stopped by KEXP for a mini-set.

THEM: "Baby, Please Don't Go" and a fully live take on "Gloria" for Twofer Tuesday.

RAPHAEL SAADIQ talks R&B with All Things Considered: "Isaac Hayes told me once, 'There's no such thing as old-school.' Either you went to school or you didn't."

FRIENDLY FIRES lived it up at fashion parties, flew over Rio in a helicopter, but returned to the garage for the follow-up to their Mercury-nominated debut.

SUEDE gets a loving profile from a longtime fan at The Observer.

JANA HUNTER talks to the New York Press about solo performances and Lower Dens' Exxon ad. (Thx, LHB.)

UPDATE: ARNOLD/MARIA SPLIT: Schwarzenegger and Shriver separated after she learned he had fathered a child more than a decade ago - before his first run for office - with a longtime member of their household staff.

LINDSAY LOHAN got into a 2 a.m. ruckus at a Hollywood nightclub and appeared to be "belligerently drunk."

CHARLIE SHEEN is privately "destroyed" by the casting of Ashton Kutcher in Two and a Half Men.

PENELOPE CRUZ talks about her new son, her past life as a cat lady, karaoke, Pirates of the Caribbean and more at Vogue (with photoshoot).

BRITNEY SPEARS talks about the current pop music scene at Harper's Bazaar.

MARIAH CAREY: The Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services continues to investigate allegations of alcohol and drug use against Carey and Nick Cannon shortly after the birth of their twins.

THE FLINTSTONES are in the hands of Seth MacFarlane.

A SAUDI MOTHER said Sunday she defied a ban on women drivers in the ultra-conservative kingdom by getting behind the wheel for four days without being stopped.

NORTH KOREA & IRAN appear to have been regularly exchanging ballistic missile technology in violation of UN sanctions, according to a confidential UN report obtained by Reuters. Iran is also building intermediate- range missile launch pads on the Paraguaná Peninsula in Venezuela.

LIBYA: NATO said it must widen the target set, lest Gaddafi remain in power.

PAKISTAN, analysts say, will soon have a fourth operational reactor, greatly expanding plutonium production for its nuclear-weapons program.

CATS IN TANKS: Awesome, with content warning.

AN IRAQI DONKEY that befriended the US Marines arrives in Omaha, NE, where he will serve as a therapy animal for the Wounded Warrior Family Support organization.

WHY ZOMBIE ANTS infected by mind-controlling fungus always kill themselves at high noon.

THE BIRDS... but with parakeets.

MARISSA NADLER's atmospheric video for "Baby, I Will Leave You In The Morning" is not a bad way to ease into the week.

THURSTON MOORE is advance streaming Demolished Thoughts (produced by Beck).

DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL did the four free songs thing for Daytrotter, incl Big Star's "I'm In Love With a Girl" and Archer of Loaf's "Web In Front."

COLD CAVE stopped by Morning Becomes Eclectic for a session.

ALISON KRAUSS & UNION STATION stopped by World Cafe for a chat and mini-set.

JULIAN CASABLANCAS: "Rave On," from the upcoming Buddy Holly tribute, leaks online.

THE HOLLIES: "Have You Ever Loved Somebody" (French TV, 1967).

ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN guitarist Will Sergeant talks to New York magazine about the band's long second act.

GRAHAM COXON talks to Drowned in Sound about the English folk scene, Derby County Football Club and yes, Blur.

PAUL SIMON does not like coming in second to Bob Dylan.

BOB DYLAN issues a statement on his China tour.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: Thor takes the top slot again with 34.5 million; that's a 47 percent drop, but that's actually pretty good for a Marvel non-sequel.  The God of Thunder has hauled in over 300 million in eight days. Bridesmaids places with 24.4 million, well above tracking estimates of 15-17 million (though below the 33 million opening for Superbad).  Fast Five shows with 19.5 million on a 40 percent drop in line with the history of this franchise; this installment is already the highest-grossing of the series. Priest opens at No. 4 with 14.5 million, which is again better than tracking estimates, but disappointing against a 60 million budget.  Rio rounds out the Top Five and boosts its domestic total to 125 million.  Overall, a bit of a lull before the Pirates of the Caribbean opening next weekend.

CHARLIE SHEEN delivered the ultimate back-handed compliment to Ashton Kutcher, saying he's talented but Two and a Half Men will tank.  Kutcher will be making more than half of Charlie Sheen's base salary, but less than 900K/ep. Jon Cryer is "jazzed" to be working with Kutcher.

ARNOLD/MARIA SPLIT: Shriver and Schwarzenegger comment on their separation.

JENNA FISCHER and her screenwriter hubby of nearly a year Lee Kirk are expecting their first child together.

MARIAH CAREY was visited by Child Protective Services at the hospital after receiving calls claiming drinking and drug use. Nick Cannon says he spoke with CPS and told them the whole thing is "ridiculous."

JULIA ROBERTS & TOM HANKS talk to W magazine about optimism, adult education and their upcoming dramedy, Larry Crowne.

MARY TYLER MOORE is recovering nicely from her brain surgery. She might just make it, after all.

THE AMBIGUOUSLY GAY DUO returned to SNL in live action, featuring Jon Hamm and Jimmy Fallon, as well as Steve Carrell and Stephen Colbert.

YEMEN: The opposition said the GCC-backed plan for president Saleh to step down from power is dead.

SYRIA: Despite the reports of a pullout of troops in the coastal city of Baniyas and the main flashpoint centre of Deraa, reports from Talkalakh on Saturday suggested they remained very much in control there.  The US and its European allies, seeking to pressure Assad to end his violent crackdown, are lobbying the UN nuclear watchdog to formally accuse Damascus of covertly building a nuclear reactor.

IRAN: The Ayatollah Ali Khamenei accused his protégé Ahmadinejad of being "under a spell" as a constitutional crisis engulfs the country.

EGYPT: The Egyptian Islamic Group said it would hold a million-man protest in Cairo's Tahrir Square to demand the release of Omar Abdel Rahman, its spiritual leader, who is serving a life term in a US prison for his role in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

PAKISTAN's successful test of a missile able to carry short range nuclear weapons threatens to raise tensions in a region already nervous that the death of Osama bin Laden will create more instability.

THE OWL & THE  PUSSYCAT danced by the light of the moon...Mass hysteria!

BABY LEOPARDS, PANTHERS, MONKEYS and a BEAR were found drugged in a first-class passenger's luggage at Bangkok's international airport.

A COUGAR shows up at Safeway. A real one.

PARAKEET fed to a pitbull. Alcohol may have been involved.