KURT COBAIN: Smells Like Teen Action Figure. Oh, listen... you can hear him spinning now...

THE BEATLES: Politically correct anti-smoking police have chopped off two of Ringo's fingers in their proto-Stalinist zeal to Photoshop the coffin nails from the photos used for the forthcoming Capitol Albums Vol. 2 compilation.

THE MAGIC NUMBERS may be known for their sunny, country-tinged, harmonic pop, but singer Romeo Stodart claims Neil Young's On the Beach and Nick Drake's Pink Moon as influences also. You can check out their sampler to hear why Brian Wilson is a big fan.

WELCOME to my ol' college roomie Dale, who found the site just a few days ago, missing some classic Hogzilla stories...

BOB DYLAN & JOHHNY CASH: If you missed their lost album last time someone was killing music, An Aquarium Drunkard tempts you again.

TOMMY KEENE is putting out his first studio album in four years and solo touring after he's done backing Robert Pollard o­n tour. He also talks to PopMatters about Pollard, Paul Westerberg and songwriting generally.

THE SILVER JEWS: Reclusive songwriter David Berman may have decided to do his first tour because "I'd done all the things I wanted to do, so I started doing the things I didn't want to do." But in Ann Arbor, Berman seems to have warmed to the road, saying the shows "changed my mind about everything, because in all of my equations, I didn't count o­n o­ne thing and that was all of you people."

MORRISSEY is boycotting Canada because of the whole clubbing baby seals thing. And manages to work in an over-the-top Nazi analogy while he's at it. Canadians respond.

SEEN YOUR VIDEO: I found myself in the mood for "Here Comes Your Man" from the Pixies, so here it is.

MARGOT & THE NUCLEAR SO AND SO'S get some local love from the Indianapolis Star, which reports -- among other things -- that the band is partly named for Gwyneth Paltrow's character in the quirky film The Royal Tenenbaums. The band's album is streaming in its entirety this week from AOL Music.

THE FLAMING LIPS frontman talks to the San Francisco Chronicle about taking up the mantle of the MC5 and how difficult it is to do his laundry.

DUSTY SPRINGFIELD was so racked with self-doubt that she recorded the vocals for Dusty In Memphis in NYC, according to Atlantic Records' legendary Jerry Wexler.

BAND OF HORSES: The band's debut album, Everything All The Time is getting generally favorable reviews and is streaming in Windows format from MSN (Thanks, Brooklyn Vegan)

BILLY BRAGG is offering an exclusive download through the London Guardian titled, "The Lonesome Death of Rachel Corrie." It should be noted that the circumstances of Corrie's death are hotly disputed at best, with evidence suggesting that the group to which she belonged is not as big o­n non-violence as it claim to be and works with Hamas, Islamic Jihad and similar groups. A senior member of Islamic Jihad who planned several suicide attacks was arrested in the group's office. An article in Mother Jones magazine described Corrie as "deluded" and an "idiot," as well as noting that her group misled the media about the circumstances of her death. As Billy wrote years ago, "There are two sides to every story."

RHETT MILLER: The Old 97s frontman gives "Five Rules of Good Composition" to Paste magazine. You can hear his latest, The Believer, in its entirety, via MySpace.

TOM-KAT UPDATE: Holmes, who celebrated her baby shower at the Hollywood Scientology Center o­n Saturday, will be helped through labor with Scientology cue cards posted around the couple's Beverly Hills mansion. Meanwhile Cruise was reportedly urging his ex, Nicole Kidman, to dump Keith Urban.

WILMER VALDERRAMA of That 70's Show dished dirt o­n his near-countless Hollywood liasons o­n the Howard Stern show. He claims that that he took Mandy Moore's virginity and that Ashlee Simpson is a screamer (What? No lip-syncing?). But he never had the Alba. Tons more dirt at the link.

GIRLS GONE WILD mogul Joe Francis wants to buy Playboy.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS has been remade as a two-part, four-hour miniseries for ABC. The special effects will probably be good, but how good could it possibly be without Edward G. Robinson?

THE VILLAGE PEOPLE: Victor Willis, who dressed as the policeman in the band, has been arrested again after disappearing while drug and gun charges against him were pending.

SEAN PENN tells The New Yorker he has a plastic doll of columnist Ann Coulter that he likes to abuse when angry: "We violate her. There are cigarette burns in some funny places." Call him Mr. Peaceful.

SHARON STONE is adamant teenagers should be prepared to engage in oral sex: "Young people talk to me about what to do if they're being pressed for sex? I tell them oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex. If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them." Stone also says Sen. Hillary Clinton should wait to run for US President because she's too sexy. Insert Lewinsky joke here. Stone further claims she has no interest in doing Basic Instinct 3, which is a good thing, based o­n the few advance reviews for Basic Instinct 2.

KATE MOSS is warning actress Lindsay Lohan about the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse. Was this before or after the two went pole-dancing across NYC? And was it before or after the supposedly sober supermodel's 21-hour bender?

OCEAN'S 13 looks ready to roll. It may be more entertaining than Brad Pitt talking about buildings and food. Maybe.

GARFLECK: Someone o­n AOL has a picture of Jennifer Garner and Violet.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT is probably dead. Though a tentative deal was struck to move the show from Fox to Showtime, creator Mitch Hurwitz says he will not be continuing with the series. "Of course, if there was enough money in it, I would have happily abandoned the fans' need for quality. But as it turns out, there wasn't," he said.

JESSICA SIMPSON: Future ex Nick Lachey now taunts her with rumors that he's seeing the similarly buxom blonde (and devout Christian) Kristin Chenoweth.

SEEN YOUR VIDEO II: The Sound of Young America posts an interview and Q & A session lost for 30 years that four Pythons did at public TV station KERA in Dallas, which was the first to air the Flying Circus in the US.

IRAQ: Bill Roggio rounds up independent ops by the Iraqi Army and Al Qaeda attacks -- o­ne successful and o­ne failed. Kimberly Johnson of USA Today blogs an Iraqi-led operation in Hawijah. Bill Roggio rounds up divisions within the Shiite political bloc. The AP reports o­n slow recruiting in Ramadi (without mentioning there was already successful police recruiting there). There was more successful Iraqi Army recruitment in Qaim, a former insurgent hotbed. At Healing Iraq, Zayed writes about Mahdi army militiamen lynching a local Imam in Baghdad, with frustration that shows how fragile the situation there remains.

OUR FRIENDS, THE SAUDIS are working secretly o­n a nuclear program, with help from our friends in Pakistan. Meanwhile, the head of the Arab League called o­n Arab states Tuesday to work toward "entering the nuclear club" by developing atomic energy -- because they cannot afford to be dependent o­n Mideast oil, y'know.

BUCK THE PUG was as good as dead, with three broken legs. He was saved by the Internet.

DOG OWNERS can get licensed in Vienna.

LEWIS THE CAT was slapped with a restraining order after attacking the Avon lady in Fairfield, CT.

A FOUR-FOOT-LONG GATOR turned up in a garage in Ft. Myers, FL. An 82-year-old homeowner says he tried to shoo it with a broom -- then sprayed it with a garden hose -- but the gator didn't leave until three other people prodded it to move o­n to a lake.

A FEMALE SHRIMP-LIKE CREATURE may get some after 200 million years. Now that's a slump.

THE FLAMING LIPS played "Bohemian Rhapsody" during a surprise show at SXSW. Stereogum has onstage video. KissAtlanta has it in Quicktime. Take Your Medicine is killing music with a MP3 download. You can hear the upcoming album, At War With The Mystics, in the audio section of the band's website. Jim DeRogatis is promoting his new book o­n the band.

SCOTT McCAUGHEY: The Young Fresh Fellow and Minus 5 frontman does a piece for Harp o­n the record that changed his life after listing a bunch of candidates. However, when Ken King and I saw the Minus 5 Wed. night, Scott picked a favorite not on that list to cover -- The Undertones' "Teenage Kicks." And for an encore, he led the touring unit, including REM's Peter Buck on bass, through "Circle Sky," by the Monkees (written by Michael Nesmith). Of course, there was a lot of great Minus 5 music as well. Peter Buck also put in a cameo on lead guitar during the opening set from The Silos -- on a swampy version of Jonathan Richman's "I'm Straight."

AEROSMITH frontman Steven Tyler will undergo mystery surgery this week for his mystery medical malady, forcing the band to cancel the rest of its North American tour. UPDATE: It looks to be throat surgery. We wish him well, natch.

MORRISSEY apologizes to Arctic Monkeys for complaining they had become too famous too soon: "I'm sorry that the comments I made at South By Southwest about the Arctic Monkeys were printed so harshly. "I actually quite like the Arctic Monkeys and whatever I said was said with tender, avuncular concern. I hope to God I didn't upset their grannies. "In any case, I was wrong about their success being too sudden and without any dues paid, because that's exactly how it happened for The Smiths. So, I really should shut it." You can preview Morrissey's new album at MySpace.

WILCO bassist John Stirratt talks to the Des Moines Register about new sounds, new songs and living in the North and the South.

JASON COLLETT: The Broken Social Scenester talks to Drowned In Sound about his acclaimed solo album and how being overlooked in Canada helps make music, but causes musicians to leave. You may still be able to get a free Collett track via SXSW.

SEEN YOUR VIDEO: From Hullabaloo, we have The Byrds syncing "I'll Feel A Whole Lot Better," with equally synced go-go dancing during Roger's guitar solo.

KELLEY STOLTZ: The McCartney-esque singer-songwriter tells PopMatters that he loves his work and recorded his first full-length album with 100 percent renewable energy. You can stream a few via MySpace.

LYNYRD SKYNYRD: Though I focused o­n Blondie and the Sex Pistols getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, who better to write about the Southern Rockers' entry than Drive-By Truckers frontman Patterson Hood?

RICHARD HAWLEY is the latest answer to Jerry's question, "How the hell did I miss ----'s album last year?" at Yeti Don't Dance. There is some killing of music involved, but I think you can still get a taste of the Orbison-esque Hawley with a legal download via SXSW.

JOHN LENNON: Yoko Ono has attacked a pay-per-view TV 'seance' that attempts to contact the late Beatle from beyond the grave as "tasteless, tacky and exploitative." It may well be worse than Lennon: The Musical.

PETE DOHERTY UPDATE: The troubled singer openly took heroin, ecstasy and crack cocaine throughout an interview with Rolling Stone magazine.

TOM-KAT UPDATE: Holmes reportedly fears what Scientological parenting rules will do to her Cruise-spawn, which the church sees as a kind of "second coming." That's according to the ever-reliable Star. Meanwhile, Cruise's daughter, Isabella, seems less than thrilled with Cruise's very public displays of affection.

OMIGOD, THEY KILLED CHEF! The South Park character died a horrible, funny death after his brains were scrambled by the "Super Adventure Club" -- a not-at-all thinly veiled jab at the Church of Scientology, which is rumored to be responsible for Isaac Hayes' alleged (or forced) refusal to continue voicing the character.

BRADGELINA: Oprah Winfrey bans the couple from her show, pledges allegiance to Team Aniston. Meanwhile, Jolie may be miffed at Pitt's drinking habits.

KEVIN COSTNER: His reps are vigorously denying that he is the subject of a blind item in London's Daily Mirror about a star who engaged in sexual self-gratification in front of a horrified masseuse at a posh Scottish golf resort.

ROCKUMENTARIES: At Indiewire, Anthony Kaufman asks: Is it just coincidence that there are three compelling documentaries about rock musicians with briefly thrilling, eventually sorry, sad lives cut down by drugs and mental illness?

CHER celebrates her plastic surgery and attends the Agent Provocateur fashion show with a zombie.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON: Dumped by Josh Hartnett?

CHARLIZE THERON: Rumors of a split with long-time beau Stuart Townsend have resurfaced in Star magazine.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: The DVD will be out soon, but right now, you can see it in 30 seconds. With bunnies.

EVA LONGORIA had to "clarify" that when the lights are out, her beau (and NBA player) Tony Parker "is the teacher." Apparently, humiliating your boyfriend in an interview is not a smart thing to do.

SHARON STONE, currently working o­n Mideast peace and joining in solidarity with a French student strike, absolutely screamed at the top of her voice before every take in Basic Instinct 2. Which may well be how the audience reacts.

REMAKES: The PopWatch blog at Entertainment Weekly offers a limited defense of Hollywood's tendency to recycle.

BEFORE THEY WERE STARS: I'm sure George Clooney and Brad Pitt are thrilled to have their early TV appearances streaming from AOL.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY visited the trout pout shop? Has the world gone mad?

IRAQ: Bill Roggio notes that a joint US and Iraqi rapid reaction team decimated insurgents attempting to attack the Madain police station, following a successful attack o­n the police in Miqdadiyah (which may have been an inside job). He reminds us that Al Qaueda unsuccessfully attacked Camp Gannon in Husaybah and the Abu Ghraib prison in the spring of 2005. At ITM, Mohammed is miffed at recent Russian overtures, given the nation's past support of Saddam.

IRAQ AND THE MEDIA: An Iraqi cameraman working for CBS News when he was detained by the US military will be tried next month. The AP story has plenty of quotes from journos protesting the unfair treatment of Abdul Ameer Younis Hussein. It leaves out that he was referred to CBS by a "fixer" in Tikrit (i.e., Saddam Hussein's hometown) "who has had a trusted relationship with CBS News for two years." It also fails to mention that o­ne military official said at least four videos in Hussein's camera show roadside bomb attacks o­n U.S. troops -- all shot in a manner suggesting prior knowledge of the attacks and that he had scouted a shooting location in sight of the target. That's in addition to the e-mail from the US task force at Abu Ghraib saying Hussein "appeared to be instigating a crowd" in Mosul.

CULT OF THE iPod: Apple calls a proposed French law that could break the locks tying songs from the iTunes store to iPod players "state-sponsored piracy."

NANOTECH: Trials of carbon nanotube TVs -- which could combine the picture quality of CRTs with the slim profile of LCDs -- are o­n the horizon.

MINI-HORSES can be worth thousands in Florida property tax breaks under a 1959 agricultural exemption being debated in the legislature. Why? As Jason Curtis, supervisor of the agriculture division of the Broward County Property Appraiser's Office, says the law classifies the minis as livestock: "A horse is a horse is a horse." Of course.

WILY COYOTE that had been dining o­n duck in NYC's Central Park since Sunday was caught o­n Wednesday. The Coyote blames the ACME Corp. for his capture. Let's go to the video.

OLD DOGS may not learn new tricks, but they get plenty of health care in Japan, where the number of aging canines surpasses even the well-known graying of the nation's human population.

HIBERNATING CATERPILLARS burn a tremendous amount of fat while hibernating during the transformation to butterflies. This is really going to annoy the bears.

LONGHORN wanders into a Houston fire station. Why is this news? After all, it is Texas...