THE STOOGES were in town last night; going to the show was of course "My Idea of Fun."  They played the Congress Theater, which was just perfect -- the decaying palace still sells cans of beer, allows smoking, moshing and crowd surfing.  At 60 years old, Iggy Pop shook, shimmied, swiveled and spun across the stage almost continuously through the set, when he wasn't leaping atop the Marshall stacks to mock-fornicate the amp heads or doing some stage diving of his own (the first instance being during "I Wanna Be Your Dog," which was only the third song of the set). Mick Jagger wishes he had half the prance left in him that Iggy had on display.  It was truly a sonic blitzkrieg; my only nitpick would be my wish to have heard stuff like "Search and Destroy" from Raw Power.  Now on to the clips, most all of which contain profanity (as did our show).  Here they are playing "ATM" from the new album on French TV.  From the back catalog, we have "1969," followed by "1970," natch.  Plus, we have yet another instance of the crowd mobbing the stage for "No Fun" -- a stunt repeated last night in Chicago,as the song became a raucous shout-along.

SONIC YOUTH is touring Japan this week, so Lee Renaldo was talking to the Japan Times about the band's history and preparing to play Daydream Nation at the Pitchfork fest this summer, while Thurston Moore talked to the Daily Yomiuri about the No Wave documentary Kill Your Idols (which is already on DVD here) and the No Wave movement generally.

ILLINOIS is actually from Pennsylvania, which puts them near the World Cafe; you can stream their set from Friday now, via NPR.  Their EP "blends pianos, banjos and Moog synths into guitar, drums and bass to create a unique, laidback sound."

CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH frontman Alec Ounsworth tells the Cornell Sun how he came to be working on a children's album... but given the tenor of his other comments, I would take it with a grain of salt.

M WARD has been opening for folks on the East Coast, so he talked to the Hartford Courant about music as time travel and tells the Boston Herald: "I have a dream job, so I might as well work as hard as I can."

FEIST runs through her resume for the Times of London, including her stint backing up Peaches as an X-rated rapping sock puppet, B*tch Lap Lap.  It's a good excuse -- if any was needed -- to link her fab new video for "1 2 3 4" from her new album, The Reminder.  Leslie Feist even talks about the video at the start of the profile she got in Sunday's NYT: "I'm going to be carried around on the shoulders of 50 people, like Madonna in ‘Material Girl,' only minus the pearls and the back muscles."  The NYT article also has a podcast.

MY OLD KENTUCKY BLOG is streaming a ton of live tracks from Dodge's SIRIUS Blog Radio sessions.  The latest is from the unsigned Mancino, but the link will also take you to sessions from The Broken West , Catfish Haven, Margot & the Nuclera So & Sos, and more...

GIVE THE DRUMMER SOME:  Jon Wurster, who has sat on the throne with Superchunk, Robert Pollard, Ryan Adams and more, shuffles his iPod for the A.V. Club, but my fave bit is his story about getting Blue Öyster Cult's drummer to autograph a cowbell for a wedding present, because... well, you know.

NOW That's What I Call Indie Music, according to Billboard.

DON HO is dead at 76.  You have to figure Don Imus is pretty angry about the timing.

PETE DOHERTY-KATE MOSS UPDATE:  The Daily Mail has the dark side of the troubled singer's solo gigs at the Hackney Empire in London: "All the scabrous signs of his drug-based decadence were on show: weeping sores, bleeding nostrils, cracked lips. Pete Doherty almost had to prise open his mouth to sing..."  Top it off with an afterparty pic of the supposed sober supermodel being dangled upside-down from a second-story window, Jacko-style.

BRITNEY SPEARS used the paparazzi at X17 to deliver a video rant against the media, her management, and rehab, which starts at the link, but has three more parts. UPDATE: Part Four.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: Disturbia topped the box office with a  million take -- about double of what analysts had projected.   Blades of Glory and Meet the Robinsons each dropped a slot , bring in $14 and $12 million, respectively.  Perfect Stranger opened in fourth with $11.5 million.  Are We Done Yet? dropped 35% to fifth place, making $9.2 million. Pathfinder opened in sixth place, with $4.8 million, with the Top Ten rounded out by a close bunching of Wild Hogs, The Reaping, 300, and Grindhouse (which dropped 63% and must have the bomb stink on it).  Redline debuted in 11th; Aqua Teen Hunger Force opened in 13th place, though the latter was in the top five on a per screen basis.

MADONNA reportedly "set her heart" on adopting a Malawian tot Grace after watching video footage of her playing in an orphanage, but the orphanage is going slowly after Madge's last adoption debacle.

PENELOPE CRUZ wants to have kids of her own - but she also hopes to adopt.  Well, of course... at this point it would be simpler to report on celebs who do not want to adopt.

PRINCE WILLIAM reportedly has split with galpal Kate Middleton; royal pals claim the romance was doomed when he decided to put Army life first.

THE MOST EXPENSIVE CELEB DIVORCES, according to Forbes magazine, complete with sidebars like "Celebrity Annulments."  Number Two on the main list may shock you.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON is still struggling with monogamy.

NATALIE PORTMAN wouldn't mind embarking on a lesbian relationship, for the simple reason that she doesn't want to disconnect herself from half of the world population -- a theory exponded in Kevin Smith's Chasing Amy.  As she just shot The Other Boleyn Girl with Scarlett Johansson, how could she not fanatasize?

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY and LINDSAY LOHAN will set screens alight when they film a steamy threesome for their new movie Best Time Of Our Lives, according to reports.  I think i reported this before, but it has popped up again, so how could I not repeat it to complete a trifecta?

THE McCARTNEYS:  The uber-reliable News of the World is claiming that Heather Mills once enjoyed a sex-for-cash foursome including an Arab prince and TV actress at the centre of the BAE slush fund scandal.

JENNIFER LOPEZ reportedly was sounding like a Scientologist during her guest stint as a mentor on American Idol.

GIRLS GONE WILD founder has allegedly been found with pills in his Florida jail cell -- and the reason he got caught is because he allegedly tried to bribe a guard for a bottle of water with a $100 bill.  He could be charged with the crime of introducing contraband into a correctional facility, a felony, and possession of a controlled substance.  Joe had a very bad week.

CHRISTINA RICCI is playing Trixie in the Wachowski Bros' live-action adaptation of the 1960s cartoon Speed Racer.  There are short video interviews with Ricci and Emile Hirsch on the Tube.

DENISE & HEATHER & RICHIE & CHARLIE & DAVID: Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora are officially divorced.

MIA FARROW pressures STEVEN SPIELBERG, who may get some action from China on the genocide in Darfur.

PAKISTAN:  Villagers in the North West Frontier Province raised a tribal army to clash with Taliban fighters last week after the terrorists beat up some transvestite dancers, shaved their heads and broken their musical instruments near Abdulkhel, as the dancers were headed to perform at a wedding.  No, really.

IRAN:  The Mullahs' nuclear ambitions have Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Turkey all exploring their nuke options.  Many diplomats and analysts say that the Sunni Arab governments are so anxious about Iran's nuclear progress that they would even, grudgingly, support a US military strike against Iran.  It is hard to guess how likely that would be -- the Iranian nuke bunkers may be very tough to strike effectively.

IRAQ:  Some panicked after the bombing at the Parliament building and a bridge, but later reports revised the death toll from the former down to one, noted that the Parliament bomber had been arrested before and that several bodyguards of parliament members and government officials are routinely detained on different charges and then later released after intervention by officials acting on their weight in the government.  Civilian deaths are down 45% in Baghdad since the start of the new security plan there two months ago, when compared to the two months prior.  Civilian deaths are up outside the city, but nationwide, civilian deaths are down 20% in the past two months.

ENDANGERED PYGMY RABBITS reintroduced into the wild in Washington state are being quickly eaten.  Only four of the 20 rabbits released on March 13th remained at the Sagebrush Flat Wildlife Area as of last Tuesday.

150 FERAL TERRAPINS which have been terrorizing wildlife are to be rounded up in Hampstead Heath, UK.  Blame the TMNT.

ILLEGAL BEAVER caught in the wild by staff from Edinburgh Zoo... and it's a male.

SNAKE will be tougher to eat when the Stockton, CA restaurant Taboo by the Delta closes its doors June 1st.  The eatery also serves gators, shark, frog legs and turtle.

A BABY OWL spent the night at the Crafton Hills College police station, but it was allowed to leave the next morning on its own recognizance.

THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

...with CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL!  Hard to believe that I have not featured Fogerty & Co. before, but here are live clips of "Travelin' Band," "Proud Mary," "Born on the Bayou" and "Green River."  You might also check out the synced clips for "Fortunate Son" (because the song is so good) and "Down on the Corner" (because the visuals are amusing).

WILCO frontman Jeff Tweedy talks sense on music-sharing and leaking with Australia's Courier-Mail, as well as tackling the myth that struggle or suffering must go with the creative process.  He also explains the title of the upcoming Sky Blue Sky album.

SON VOLT frontman Jay Farrar answers five questions from NOW! Toronto, starting with "What album or song changed your life?"

FOUNTAINS of WAYNE played the World Cafe yesterday, so you should be able to stream a mini-set (3 new tunes + "Joe Rey") from NPR now.  UPDATE:  Until that stream gets posted by NPR, you can stream a few from FoWSpace... or a lost soul gem from Bob & Gene that makes NPR's Song of the Day from Oliver Wang (of the Soul-Sides blog).

THE BEATLES catalog is a step closer to download, as Apple Corps Ltd, have settled a row over £30 million in royalties with EMI.

THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS: John Linnell tells Billboard about the duo's next album, kids' DVD, and work on for an animated film based on Neil Gaiman's book Coraline.  Puts me in the mood for "Birdhouse In Your Soul."

THE SHINS pull off a daring daylight mission in the new video for "Australia."

MY HUMPS REDUX:  Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie sent Alanis Morissette a congratulatory cake in the shape of a derriere after the latter's satirical cover of "My Humps" became an onlinve video sensation.  The video is also embedded at the link, should you need to see it again.

THE LITTLE ONES play "Either/Or" with Drowned in Sound, including "Superpowers: invisibility or the power of flight?"  You can stream a few of their tunes at TheirSpace.

THE 25 UNDISPUTED GUILTY PLEASURE BANDS, according to Rolling Stone.  Craig O'Neill is going to feel so vindicated.

PETE DOHERTY-KATE MOSS UPDATE:  Though the supposedly sober supermodel reportedly has been urged by fashion chiefs to dump the troubled singer, Doherty dedicated a song to Moss at the first of two solo sell-out shows at the Hackney Empire, calling her his "beautiful fiancee."  Moss also joined Doherty onstage for two numbers; pics at the second link.

THE CUTOUT BIN:  This Friday's fortuitous finds from the ol' HM include:  Chicago Cubs - Beautiful Day Montage; Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky; The Wonders - That Thing You Do; Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life; The Wombats - Backfire at the Disco; Art Brut - Pump Up The Volume; The Modern Lovers - I'm Straight; Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down); George Baker Selection - Little Green Bag; April March - Chick Habit; Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich - Hold Tight; Eddie Kendricks - Keep On Truckin' Pt1; Joe Tex - The Love You Save May Be Your Own; Morcheeba - Crystal Blue Persuasion; Janis Joplin - The Roller Skate Song; The Byrds - Everybody's Been Burned; T.Rex - T.Rex - Summertime Blues; Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love; and Randy Newman - Sail Away.

NOW SHOWING:  This week's wide releases at the local cineplex include the expanded release of Richard Gere in The Hoax, which is currently scoring 85 percent on the ol' Tomatometer; Bruce Willis and Halle Berry in the erotic thriller Perfect Stranger (18 percent); the Rear Window-inspired Disturbia (50 percent); an uncreened-for-critics Eurotrashy take on The Fast and the Furious called Redline; the largely-unscreened Viking raised by Native Americans in Pathfinder; the unscreened sounds-like-The-Usual-Suspects crime drama Slow Burn; and the big-screen arrival of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which is currently scoring 64 percent.So maybe, just maybe, Grindhouse has a second chance at a first impression.

DON IMUS got the ax from CBS Radio, following a week of uproar over the radio host's derogatory comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team.  Time Magazine once named the cantankerous broadcaster as one of the 25 Most Influential People in America, and he is a member of the National Broadcaster Hall of Fame.

MADONNA is headed back to Malawi for another child?  Her rep denies it: "Madonna is going to Africa to continue her work with the Raising Malawi organization. She is overseeing the building of a children's health-care center. She is absolutely not adopting another baby."

LEO DiCAPRIO and BAR RAFAELI having a kid and quick wedding this summer?   DiCaprio's rep says the preganancy rumor "totally b.s." and "100 percent made up bollocks."  Which suggests that DiCaprio's rep is European or a fan of the Sex Pistols.

COURTNEY LOVE is still publicly insisting her new figure is due to diet and exercise, but the rumor now is about gastric band surgery.

REESE & RYAN BREAK-UPDATE:  Reese Witherspoon's nascent romance with Jake Gyllenhaal is the real thing, friends say.  And witness tells People magazine that the pair were... yes, caught canoodling during dinner at L.A's Il Sole restaurant.

JACKO may finally be getting rid of Neverland for something closer to $20 million than the $50 million original asking price.  Jackson's rep denies the tacky ranch is for sale.

KURT VONNEGUT died on Wednesday at the age of 84 as a result of head injuries sustained in a fall at his home in New York last week.  The Financial Times gave an overview of his oeuvre.  Though best known for his novels, I was partial to some of his short stories, particularly "Harrison Bergeron."

DIANE KEATON:  I mentioned earlier that the Film Society of Lincoln Center was honoring her career; The Reeler recaps the event, complete with embedded video of Steve Martin plaing a song for her on the banjo.

THE "24" CREW liked being spoofed on South Park so much that they sent Matt Stone and Trey Parker their very own suitcase nuke.  Pics at the link.

BRADGELINA:  The latest revenge rumor from tabs ticked that Jolie is cozy with People magazine is that when Jolie returned from Vietnam with Pax Thien she suddenly stopped showering Shiloh with attention -- and that Pitt is upset about it.

SPAIN:  The emergence of a new al-Qaeda-linked organization in Northern Africa is alarming Spain, which is concerned about Islamists' calls for the reconquest of the country they regard as a lost part of the Muslim world.  Pulling out of Iraq doesn't seem to have appeased the radicals who are still angry about the Christian Reconquest in 1492.  Who'da thunkit?

IRAQ:  As you probably heard, a suicide bomber killed eight people (including two lawmakers) at the Iraqi parliament building.  If you haven't seen it, there is video from al-Hurra.  Pajamas Media's Richard Miniter was in the building and files a report.  Time magazine reports that the bomber was a guard for one of the members of parliament and that the metal detectors at the entrance to the Baghdad Convention Center, where Parliament is housed, were not operating Thursday,  IraqSlogger looks at security around the Green Zone, noting that while American troops control the entrances to the Green Zone, Iraqis control the entrance to the parliament building.  ITM's Omar Fadhil reports local reaction that if anyone is to blame, it's the members of parliament themselves, who are famous for complaining about "security measures" in the Green Zone being "insulting" to them and to Iraq's sovereignty.  AP Iraq bureau chief Steven R. Hurst files a report claiming that the bombing raises questions about the "surge," though he does not quote a single source to back this up.  The piece is labeled "news analysis" at MSNBC, but it is not labeled as opinion in most media as I write this.  Though it looks like security could be tightened at the GZ checkpoints, the claim that the "surge" is supposed to stop an inside job by a legislator's bodyguard seems a bit weak.  A better criticism would be to look at what -- if anything -- the inside job says about the strength of the fledgling democracy there.

IRAQ II:  One of Iraq's main armed groups -- the Islamic Army in Iraq -- has confirmed a split with al-Qaeda.  Michael Yon is now embedded with British troops in Basra; his latest dispatch takes us inside Operation Arezzo, part of three simultaneous strike and arrest operations in the al Quibla district of the city.  Plenty of battle pics there also.  Patrick J. Lasswell is blogging from the relatively peaceful north, and has pics and video from the Souk in Suliamaniya.

FRIDAY THE 13TH is an apt time for a story about a crocodile removing a zookeeper's arm. Dramatic arm-rescuing video at the link, in Real and Windows formats.  (Thanks, Lance.)

AN ANTEATER attacked a young zookeeper in Argentina, ripping open the woman's abdomen and legs with its long claws and leaving her in critical condition.  No Sadly, nramatic rescue video at the link.

T-REX proteins have been decoded by researchers at North Carolina State University and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston.  Theme park to follow.

THREE GREYHOUNDS were the first to donate to Britain's first blood bank for pets.

A CONFUSED COCKATOO at the Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary has spent a fortnight trying to hatch a bowl of chocolate eggs.  Obviously, it can only be done by a marshmallow Peep.

THE BEAT FARMERS:  I featured an early live set from them a couple of Fridays ago, but here's a Joey Harris-era studio clip of the wonderful "Hollywood Hills," introduced by Country Dick Montana.

SONIC YOUTH:  Thurston Moore explains why he didn't mind that classmates nicknamed him "Lurch."  But Stereogum offers a different candidate for that handle.

R.E.M.:  Tom Moon calls Up! "the great misunderstood R.E.M. album" and makes it his Shadow Classic, with tracks streaming at NPR.

KEITH RICHARDS, LORD of the UNDEAD, once lobbed a boy's pet canary out of a window, having mistaken it for an alarm clock.

MAN MAN:  Rewriteable Content has posted new songs from the avant-popsters recorded live, which you can jukebox via the ol' HM.

ELLIOTT SMITH:  The late singer-songwriter covers The Kinks' "Waterloo Sunset" at an unplugged in-store appearance from almost a decade ago.

A REAL FIFTH BEATLE, Neil Aspinall, has left Apple Corps after 40 years of service.  I Heard The News Today rounds up the UK press reax and rumors for his departure.

WILCO: X-Press Online gives the drummer some and interviews Glenn Kotche about the band's upcoming Sky Blue Sky album.  Kotche talks about the band's musical process along the way.

JAY BENNETT, fairly or not most known for being the guy who used to be in Wilco, has an interview and free songs at Daytrotter.  BTW, GvsB relays that Daytrotter is going to be doubly-good for the next four months.

WE WANT THE WORLD, AND WE WANT IT... NOW:  Rock fans hope FL Gov. Charlie Crist will grant a posthumous pardon in Jim Morrison's famed exposure case.

McGOSLING secretly getting hitched? US Weekly quotes a source close Rachel McAdams as saying she and Ryan Gosling will wed this year, but want to avoid the press.  McAdams' rep calls it "completely false."

J-LO and MARC ANTHONY secretly splitting?  OK! magazine declares that the two have "called it quits," while friends of the pair tell the NYDN all is well.

DON IMUS:  MSNBC will drop its simulcast of the "Imus in the Morning" radio program, responding to growing outrage over the radio host's racial slur against the Rutgers women's basketball team.  CBS radio has not announced plans to discontinue the show, as major advertisers began pulling out.

THE McCARTNEYS:  Heather Mills has been bombarded with offers of work on American TV since her success on Dancing With The Stars.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS STILL DEAD;  Dancer-singer Willa Ford has signed to play her in an indie biopic that will begin shooting next week.

GIRLS GONE WILD founder Joe Francis was indicted Wednesday on federal tax evasion charges for illegally deducting more than $20 million in phony business expenses from his 2002 and 2003 corporate tax returns.  Allegedly.  This is separate from his arrest Tuesday on a federal warrant for contempt of court.

LANE GARRISON, late of TV's Prison Break, will plead guilty to manslaughter, according to TMZ.  Garrison was charged with vehicular manslaughter in connection with the death of a Beverly Hills high school student last December.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE showed his continuing affection for Cameron Diaz when he was asked about her in GQ magazine.  And he's busy writing songs for Madoona's next album, due in November.

REESE & RYAN BREAK-UPDATE:  Ryan Phillippe was reportedly drinking last week at the Chateau Marmont in L.A. and a source told Page Six "He started screaming at these girls, 'Hey, you're hot! Get over here!' The girls just ignored him."  And somewhere Reese Witherspoon laughed until she wet herself.

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK so far, and I don't see anyone beating it.

BRADGELINA are rumored to be buying a £70 million, 240-foot long, triple-decker mega-yacht.  No doubt they will be using it for emergency rescue missions and to deliver food and meds to the world's disadvantaged.

IRAN, just kidnapped British sailors and marines, and still faces UN Security Council sanctions regarding its expanding nuclear program.  Even London's Guardian admits the sanctions are not working.  Nevertheless, Iran has as been elected Vice-Chairman of the UN Disarmament Commission for the 2007 session.  And thus the first order of business was to blame the US (and Israel, natch) for the world's problems.  Didn't see that coming...

IRAQ:  That fierce fight in the central Baghdad neighborhoods of Fadhil and Sheik Omar in the Rusafa district resulted in 20 insurgents killed and another 30 wounded, according to the US military.  The Sadrist bloc is threatening to pull out of the ruling Shiite Alliance, but it's not the first time they've made that threat.  The largest Sunni bloc in Parliament may intend to withdraw from the political process, due to outstanding arrest warrants for Tawafuq MPs, al-Melaf reports in Arabic. Capt. Eric Coulson, a company commander of an Army engineer unit in Anbar province, reports on Anbar Salvation Council fighters locking down the city of Khalidiya.  The chief US military spokesman in Iraq asserted on Wednesday that Iranian-made arms, manufactured as recently as last year, have reached Sunni insurgents.  Fouad Ajami has an interesting piece on a new, and fourth, phase of the US presence in Iraq.  Tish Durkin, who wrote about the war in Iraq in 2003-04 for publications including the New York Observer, the Atlantic Monthly, the National Journal, and Rolling Stone, writes about Iraq as a place of ambivalence at the Huffington Post.

THE SQUIRREL THREAT:  William Wordsworth's most famous poem has been reworked and rewritten in a hip-hop style -- accompanied by a pop video in which a giant squirrel named MC Nuts raps on the banks of Lake Ullswater.  Video at the link.

CHEETA the CHIMP, star of 12 Tarzan films in the 1930s and 40s, celebrated his 75th birthday at a primate center in Palm Springs, California.

A SWAN feeds its fish friends every day to the amazement of visitors to the Safari Park in Shenzhen City, China.  This is not to be confused with the duck that fed the koi featured here recently.

MANATEES may be reclassified as threatened instead of endangered, a move that would indicate the animal has rebounded from the brink of extinction.  The manatee would still remain protected under the federal Endangered Species Act.

GERONIMO the COCKATOO (and his goofy owner) had to be rescued by a Coast Guard helicopter from the top of a 60 ft. pine tree near Houston, TX.

BORN TO RUN:  The album was good, but it could have used a little more glockenspiel.  Via WFMU, which can hook you up with even more glockenspiel.

LOW and LONEY, DEAR played DC's 9:30 Club last night, so you can stream both sets, plus interviews from NPR now.

CAUGHT UP IN THE FABLE is a blog by pro guitar tech Tom Spaulding, who is currently headed to Brazil with Aerosmith.

POLKA FLOYD is... well, pretty much exactly what you think it is.

COVER SONGS, in all their varied forms, are defended in the Sydney Morning Herald.  But my fave part of the article may be Gloria Jones e-mailing from Sierra Leone to say she loves, loves, loves the cover of her 1964 hit "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell.

SEEN YOUR VIDEO:  10cc sing about "The Things We Do For Love."

...AND IT BURNS, BURNS, BURNS:  Johnny Cash's longtime lakeside home, a showcase where he wrote much of his famous music and entertained US presidents, music royalty and visiting fans, was destroyed by fire on Tuesday.  The property was purchased by Barry Gibb in January 2006, so be glad I avoided the "Disco Inferno" joke.

THE PONYS get a twofer from the World Cafe you can stream from NPR now. 

ALBERT HAMMOND, JR. of The Strokes, now promoting his solo album talks about how his life was changed by Buddy Holly, Roy Orbison and Guided by Voices.

PETE DOHERTY-KATE MOSS UPDATE:  The troubled singer sparked rumours of a Libertines reunion by hanging with Carl Barat over the Easter weekend.  The supposedly sober supermodel was snapped with Beth Ditto, the 15-stone lesbian frontwoman for The Gossip.

ELIZABETH HURLEY and her new husband Arun Nayar, have been accused of breaching Hindu customs with their Indian wedding -- an allegation that could technically put them in jail.  And to make matters worse, it appears that Arun's father Vinod is willing to testify against them.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS STILL DEAD, and DNA tests show that Larry Birkhead is the father of her baby daughter, Dannielynn.  So if you had your money on Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband, you are out of luck.  Another hearing is set for Friday to discuss the custody issue, which involves Birkhead, Smith's paramour Howard K. Stern, and her mother, Virgie Arthur.

DON IMUS:  The Rutgers women's basketball team blasted radio host Don Imus Tuesday for "racist and sexist remarks that are deplorable, despicable and abominable," but agreed to meet with the embattled radio host.  Rutgers' players and head coach C. Vivian Stringer said Imus' comments took the luster off an incredible season -- a comment which, imho (along with some of the players' comments) gives way too much weight and import to Don Imus.  These women are winners; acting like victims suggests that Imus is something more than a bitter old crank.

ROSEANNE BARR seems to be making a play for that Imus slot, saying on radio station KCAA, "Never once in my 54 years have I ever once heard a gay or lesbian person who's politically active say one thing about anything that was not about them... It's just, it's screwed. It's no different than the evangelicals, it's the same mindset. They want you to accept Jesus and you guys want us to all believe it's ok to be gay..."

THE GEICO CAVEMEN sitcom project is going to be helmed by the guys who brought you 3rd Rock From the Sun.

GIRLS GONE WILD creator Joe Francis was arrested Tuesday at the Panama City, FL airport on a warrant seeking his arrest for criminal contempt of court.  A judge ordered Francis's arrest last week after Francis reportedly changed the terms of a settlement deal stemming from a 2003 lawsuit in which seven women accused him of victimizing them by filming them in sexual situations while they were on spring break in Panama City.

GRINDHOUSE:  Harvey Weinstein is reportedly so disappointed in the Tarantino-Rodriguez double-feature's $11.6 million opening weekend gross that he's considering re-releasing Death Proof and Planet Terror separately in longer versions, the way they'll play in foreign markets and on DVD.  BONUS:  An Aquarium Drunkard dug the movie(s) and posted Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich's "Hold Tight" from the Death Proof soundtrack.  DOUBLE BONUS:  There are three more tunes streaming at the Death Proof website.

300:  The smash Spartan epic, otoh, has lessons for Hollywood, according to Business Week.

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL is being remade, and the early news is not going to convince anyone that this is a good idea.

FELIX the CAT is suing the makers and sellers of the kitchy Kit-Cat Klock -- after 60 years of peaceful co-existence -- alleging the clock is a "blatant knockoff" violating 100 copyrights registered in the last century.  Bag of Tricks empty, ol' Cat?

SCARLETT JOHANSSON has topped a poll of women conducted by Glamour magazine naming the "world's sexiest body."  The top ten, with pictures, are at the link.  In no way should this list be confused with Double Viking's list of "Top 10 Celebrity Butterfaces."

I HAVE A GOOD IDEA, according to Amber Taylor.  It had to happen eventually, if only by chance.

IRAQ:  At ITM, Omar reports on yesterday's fierce fighting in Baghdad, Moqtada al-Sadr's Mahdi Army standing down in Diwaniya, and the Sadrists' "pitiful demonstrations."  IraqSlogger has more on the Baghdad battles and relays a report from Al Jazeera that locally recruited police are securing the city of Hit in Anbar province.

IRAQ in the MEDIA:  The BBC cancelled a 90-minute drama about Britain's youngest surviving Victoria Cross hero because it feared it would alienate members of the audience opposed to the war in Iraq.  The Atlantic Monthly runs with "The inside story of how the interrogators of Task Force 145 cracked Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's inner circle -- without resorting to torture -- and hunted down al-Qaeda's man in Iraq."  However, if you're a subscriber -- or leaf through the mag on the newsstand -- you will discover that the threat of being sent to the Abu Grahib prison was used to get terrorists to talk.

ISLAMISM in the MEDIA:  The producer of a tax-financed documentary on Islamic extremism claims his film has been dropped for political reasons from a television series that airs next week on more than 300 PBS stations nationwide.

SAVE STERLENA!  Residents of Wauseon, OH have launched a campaign to keep Sterlina, the 14-foot bovine mascot of the locally based Sterling Store convenience chain, which is being sold to a Canadian firm.  The rumor is that the fiber-glass mascot is headed to the Wisconsin headquarters of the Sterling chain's soon-to-be ex-owners.  Pic of Sterlina with Shriners in those tiny cars at the link!

MOOSE and REINDEER at a Stockholm wildlife park have been invited to an unusual taste panel that will help decide which type of salt should be used to de-ice the country's roads in wintertime.

AN OCTOPUS down under has learned to use two of her eight tentacles to open a bottle containing a crab.

THE SQUIRREL THREAT:  Brits are concerned about detainees, but it turns out to be a hoax.

HONG KONG RACEHORSES need to learn to keep it in their pants.

AN 18-FOOT-LONG PYTHON is roadkill... in the North Yorkshire countryside?  Pic at the link.

COCOROSIE, the sister duo that belnds folk, opera, electronics and scratchy hip-hop, play "Promise" from The Adventures of Ghosthorse and Stillborn, which comes out today.  London's Telegraph had a dinner with the duo, in which they reveal: (a) they just hired their mom to manage them; (b) their mom got their first contact in the industry -- producer Rick Rubin; and (c) they think Rubin may be "too rock" for them.  I think they will find Rubin has some rap cred as well.

NEW RELEASES:  Bright Eyes, Hold Steady (unplugged), The Comas, Blonde Redhead and (Nick Cave's) Grinderman are all streaming in full this week via Spinner.  Laura Veirs releases Saltbreakers.  Love of Diagrams releases their debut LP of angular punk.

THE B-52s: Kate Pierson after introducing the documentary Before the Music Dies at the Woodstock Film Festival, tells NY's Times Herald-Record it's a "whole new day" for her band, as well as the music business: "We haven't done a record since 1991 and now we're financing it all ourselves and we own the record ... We're coming at this at the very moment when you don't know what's happening."

GOLDEN SMOG:  The alt-side project featuring members of Wilco, the Jayhawks and Soul Asylum, have posted advance tracks from the upcoming Blood on the Slacks EP at TheirSpace.

ST. VINCENT, led by Annie Clark of The Polyphonic Spree (and Sufjan Stevens's touring band) is betting the blog buzz from GvsB and Stereogum, to name just two.  As she'll be opening for John Vanderslice at the M-Shop in beautiful Ames, IA on the 12th, you may want to stream a few via the ol' HM.

TWOFER TUESDAY:  Tommy James & the Shondells bring the bubble-gum psychedelia with "Crimson and Clover" and (yes) "Mony, Mony."

KISS GUITARIST DIES:  That would be Mark St. John, from an apparent brain hemorrhage at 51.  Ace Frehley and Vinnie Vincent fans breathe a vaguely guilty sigh of relief.  St. John is the second former KISS member to die of brain hemorrhage. Eric Carr, who replaced drummer Peter Criss for a stretch, died on Nov. 24, 1991.

CROSBY, STILLS & NASH:  An Aquarium Drunkard completes a trilogy of 1969 demos, including an instrumental vesrion of "Cinnamon Girl."  You can jukebox 'em on the ol' HM.

SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS COVER BAND:  Oasis, The Killers and Razorlight are among those covering songs from the classic album to mark its 40th anniversary.  Geoff Emerick, the engineer in charge of the original 1967 sessions, will use the same equipment to record the new versions for BBC 2.  And somehow I think I'm going to be glad I have 1988's Sgt. Pepper Knew My Father.

SPANDAU BALLET is threatening to reunite.  Strange, but true.

BRITNEY SPEARS rebound guy and music producer J.R. Rotem tells Complex magazine the two "were dating, before the crotch-shot thing... Now it's kind of rocky between us."  The pop tart reportedly would like to move on to LA Lakers star Luke Walton.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS STILL DEAD, but the DNA test results for of baby Dannielynn are due to be revealed in a Bahamas court room today.  Multiple media outlets are reporting that former Smith companion Howard K. Stern will not challenge custody if Larry Birkhead is confirmed to be the biological father.  But Stern has hired legal eagle Lin Wood to threaten suit against the media Stern believes are implicating him in the overdose deaths of Smith and her son.

THE FRENCH HOTEL: Speaking of lawsuits, the celebutard's lawyer went after Michael K of Dlisted.com, after K posted a parody of "The Simple Life" poster on his site (originally from the Gallery of the Absurd) making fun of the airhead heiress and her pal Nicole Richie.  Page Six notes the factual bases for the allegedly false inferences in the artwork.

DON IMUS:  Beginning Monday, April 16 (after the publicity dies down), MSNBC will suspend simulcasting the syndicated ‘Imus in the Morning' radio program for two weeks, after the aged shock jock referred to members of the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy-headed hos."  CBS Radio released a statement promising to monitor the show's content in the future.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON and RYAN REYNOLDS were caught canoodling all over NYC last weekend.

TOM-KAT UPDATE:  FWIW, the Glitterati Gossip blog quotes sources close to Holmes as saying the actress is "furious" about Hollywood Car Wash, a book on the rise of a young actress on a TV series who is forced to lose weight, takes drugs, is hounded by paparazzi, and gets into a contracted relationship.  Where is the Carly Simon of today?

KIRSTEN DUNST has reportedly been dumped by Razorlight frontman Johnny Borrell, in favor of his ex-girlfriend, singer Fabiola Gotti.  Separately, Kiki says is a fan of marijuana and believes the world would be a better place if "everyone smoked weed."

SIENNA MILLER and JUDE LAW , who split over six months ago, are still trading insults between mutual friends.

DIANE KEATON will be honored by the Film Society of Lincoln Center this week; the pseudononymous "Alexandra Zacharios-Haight" argues that it is a scandal that Keaton -- and other actresses over 50 -- are just getting their props now.

GRINDHOUSE may have underperformed in its box office debut last weekend, but the behind-the-scenes video with Rose McGowan at the Rolling Stone cover shoot is fun, as is the scarring story of Kurt Russell's first kiss.

BRADGELINA:  Jolie's weird brother James Haven says that he and his sis now consider themselves "orphans" following the death of their mother Marcheline Bertrand this past January -- even though their estranged father, actor Jon Voight, is still kicking.

IRAN:  Hardliners in the Iranian regime have warned that the seizure of British naval personnel demonstrates that they can make trouble for the West whenever they want to and do so with impunity.  As hinted here a week ago, Tehran claimed today that it is enriching uranium "on an industrial scale" and that was uranium gas into 3,000 centrifuges, theoretically enough to have a nuclear bomb in a year or so.  FOX News doubts it, as does nuke expert Jeffrey Lewis.  Unfortunately, less exaggerated figures only put off that date for another year or two.  Hypothetically, if the US had found even 1000 centrifuges in Iraq, would people have a different opinion of the mission there now?  I'm not advocating military action here, just asking.  People in 18 European countries were asked, though... and 52% think action -- including military action -- must be taken in order to stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons... as long as someone else does it and pays for it.  Russia is already ignoring the UN sanctions against Iran.

IRAQ:  Coalition Forces captured a senior al-Qaeda leader and two others during raid Sunday morning in Baghdad.  There have been no major mass casualty attacks inside Baghdad since the suicide bombing in the Shia market on March 29th; Bill Roggio has a national overview. There were anti-US protests in Najaf, as called for by Moqtada al-Sadr; Reuters had the crowd in the thousands, the NYT had it in the tens of thousands, calling it "huge."  This in a country where millions of Shia will make pilgrimages more than once a year for various holy days.  Meanwhile, the Coalition op against al-Sadr's Mahdi Army in Diwaniyah is already 70% successful in four days.  On Monday, an agreement was reached on the formation of an Iraqi Army brigade made up of 4,000 soldiers recruited from Anbar, who will provide security in the province.

MACAVITY the CAT gets onto the busy Walsall to Wolverhampton bus at the same stop most mornings, then jumps off at the next stop 400m down the road, near a fish and chip shop.  More pics at the link.

WHEN FISH ATTACK:  A 57-pound fish jumps into a boat and attacks a man. Let's go to the video.

A FUGITIVE MOUSE delayed the departure of a Hanoi-to-Japan flight for more than four hours Sunday as technicians hunted down the potential threat.

FINLEY, a Rhodesian Ridgeback mixed-breed from Annapolis MD, could be the next world champion pier-jumper.

WORSE THAN PET HOARDING?  Police in East Greenbush, NY are trying to figure out why someone unloaded a collection of lawn and garden ornaments -- including a 3-foot-tall deer, a dog, several bunnies and something that looks like a possum -- on an unsuspecting homeowner's lawn and who owns the ceramic animals.